Yesterday we received a letter in the mail from our bank, stating that we could get 0K in term life insurance for /month. Right now we are both unemployed due to our companies downsizing, and we both had life insurance policies through our employers that ended when we were laid off. When I saw the ad from the bank, I mentioned it to him and told him I thought it might be a good idea for us to have life insurance without relying on our employers for it. He disagreed and said it would be a waste of /month right now that we need for other things and that he has no reason to have to make sure at our age (37) that his wife is "set for life" in the event of his death. I was blown away by this, not only because I was raised that spouses are supposed to watch out for each other and make sure each is provided for as needed, but also because if he were to die, I have a disease that has already caused me to have to go on disability once in my twenties, and it could happen again, and also because I only earn half what he does. I couldn’t believe he would think that he should take precautions to take care of me. Here is what ensued:
This is not about the money, or me getting some sort of high dollar amount when he dies. It’s about having a sense of morals and responsibility for your beloved spouse and taking care of that person. I tried explaining this to him repeatedly, and he just kept telling me that life insurance is a waste of money at our age and that it is selfish of me to expect him to "set me up for life" once he is dead and gone. I mentioned that there is the possibility that I could easily become unable to work and provide for myself due to my Diabetes and the complications that can come with it, and that even if I am able to work, I make about half what he does and would not be able to continue to pay the bills, etc. He’s always made almost exactly double what I earn. I am astonished at his lack of sensitivity in telling me that I am a "gold digger" and "selfish" because I expect him to feel a sense of responsibility, caring, and compassion towards me enough to WANT to protect me financially in the event of his death. He just doesn’t get it. He keeps telling me that I am trying to take advantage of him and that it’s ridiculous to expect him to want to protect me by having life insurance when we are only in our late 30’s. He says that if he died tomorrow, I would still be able to work and provide for myself, so why should he do it for me by giving me "some huge pay-out to make your life easier"? He says that the money I could get from selling our house (right now we are in the process of looking and have about 0K in savings to put towards a house–this would go to me if we didn’t have a house yet) would cover any debts and funeral expenses. But then where would I live? What if the real estate market is flat at the time he dies and I can’t get enough for the house to cover everything? He says this is not his problem at that point. He also says once he is working again, the life insurance he’ll likely have through his employer should do the job.
This is really not about me having millions of dollars if he were to die. What aggravates me, saddens me, and has me wanting to run to the divorce court is his overall lack of compassion and lack of caring for me that he would basically have a resentful and bitter attitude towards making sure I am cared for in the event of his death. Calling me a "gold digger" because I think life insurance is a good idea? What kind of husband doesn’t want to make sure his wife will be okay under any and all circumstances?! I am his wife, therefore shouldn’t he want to make sure I am taken care of in every way he can? I want to make sure of that for him.
I seriously can’t believe I married such a selfish, cold person! Am I over reacting? Please be direct, I appreciate it!
Mr. Fix It 1:01 pm on July 26, 2010
First, $80/mn is outrageously expensive.
Second, a life-insurance pay-out from one spouse *isn’t for* the other spouse.
If you have no children you are a selfish, selfish, money-grubbing bitch.
What about him? What about the total objectification you have just subjected him to?
Should you find a suitable substitute for yourself should you expire early? Perhaps a prostitute on retainer?
Roger T 1:01 pm on July 26, 2010
While life insurance is important, at the moment both of you are unemployed. There are other things to consider right now (eg food, clothing, rent, etc). You , on the other hand, are thinking only of yourself. Under different circumstances, I would agree with you. However, right now you appear to be mainly concerned on hitting the "lottery" if your husband happens to die. You are concerned with maintaining your present standard of living if you lose you "meal ticket’. He may be a selfish, cold person, but you appear to be a self centered gold digger. Don’t even consider divorcing your husband, you deserve each other.
The Ugly Sandhog 1:01 pm on July 26, 2010
Life insurance is really important, he should already be set up with it.
Run screaming from this one though. It is WAY overpriced.
Go online and check out the prices.
I tell it like it is 1:01 pm on July 26, 2010
Life insurance is very important. My wife knows who to call If I die . She will be worth at that point a cool 1.2 million .. yes , that is right. She is my queen, and I want the best for her and my son even post-mortem. Your husband is being very selfish and immature. Anyone who loves someone should show iit not only with flowers while they are alive, but financial stability and a sense of well being even if they are not there to see it. My wife will get flowers on our anniversary for 10 years If I go first.
Sarah 1:01 pm on July 26, 2010
Your dh sounds like a true s.o.b.
trouble_11668 1:01 pm on July 26, 2010
My father said about as much to my mother 20 years ago. The divorced after that (12 some years ago) and he recently died. He did not have a life insurance policy…some people feel that this is wrong and feel that their loved ones should not benefit from their death. It’s a personal opinion and not one that is directed toward any one person (the spouse)
Because he is your husband, you need to respect his opinion on this matter every bit as much as he must respect yours. My advice: compromise.
Review your assetts/liabilites and determine how much you would need to pay off the house, the cars, the credit cards and other misc bills AND how much a funeral would be. Add a certain amount for inflation and that will determine your amount of life insurance that you should have on EACH of you. If you have children, you will want to include an amount that would cover their college tuition and have it stipulated in the will that x amount is for the children’s education. Also, there are social security benefits you can apply for as a surviving spouse or if you have dependent children.
Because you are both unemployed, this could cause a huge financial strain. I don’t know what your obligation are each month so I cannot say if this would be a benefit or not. This is something you would need to discuss with your husband and work out. Perhaps take out a much smaller policy with a smaller premium.
Don’t let age fool you. I had a friend that died of a heart attack at age 34. You never know when you are going to get hit by a bus or your wife is going to become annoyed with you and bury you in the back yard. LOL
K B 1:01 pm on July 26, 2010
i can understand how your husband would prefer to wait until he’s employed again to get life insurance instead of paying out of pocket now with no income, as it is only a temporary thing. but everything else he has said is completely out line, rude & disrespectful. i am sorry that he feels that way, or even said it to you! so to answer your question, i think he was being reasonable wanting to wait a bit more, but he is definitely selfish in the way he thought about it and the things he said to you.
ummm... 1:01 pm on July 26, 2010
I agree with you and I thinkt hat while he maybe heard what you said and your side, he is still ficused on the money.
If you found a cheaper plan for the time being and when you got jobs again, developed a new plan that you could pay more for…that may be a compromise.
Basically…you need to sit him down and explain that he need sto really listen to what you are saying. explain that while you are only 37 right now, something traumatic could happen at any moment to either of you. Explain that the worst thing in that moment would be losing oneanother and would have nothing to do with money; however, as a spouse part of your responsibility is financially supporting the other person. If he were to die, would he really want to leave you with nothing? It is insurance for the future, just in case becuase bad thing shappen in the world. Past that, becasue that is how you feel and he needs to understand your motivation, the things that he said were very hurtful and you need an apology; you feel that he was cold and selfish and he called you some very bad names! You want to take out a life insurance policy for yourself as well, to benefit him if you were to pass, it is not like you are asking him to take on out on himself and you just go onliving with none. If he really sticks to the fact that it is a money issue, than maybe it is something you plan for the future, find the best plan possible and take advantage of it when you are both working again and can afford the extra 80$ a month without struggling.
I totally side with you but sometimes with men, you have to wqord things differently. Say "yes, it is a bit excessive to pay that much right now, especially since we lost our jobs, but we will be 40 soon and accidents do happen. I would like ot feel secure if something were to happen to you, and I would want you to not have to worry about finances in the event of my death as well. I need you to understand that it is not about the money and that I would trade all the money in the world to have you live until we were each 100 years old and beyond; however, bad things happen and I would rather be prepared even if, in the end all of the money was spent on the funearl and hospital bills, at least I could start fresh and care for myself with no debt."
or something liek that…
I am sorry/.
x2000 1:01 pm on July 26, 2010
It’s only needed if you have children. We never had life insurance until then. Unless there is something wrong with you that prevents you from working, then I agree with your husband.
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